Reflection

Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Reflection

Last year on St. Patrick's Day, I went to Primary Children's for Zoey's first echo. I was scared-and it turned out I had reason to be. As St. Patrick's Day is here this year, I have spent a lot of time thinking about my appointment last year, and how I coped with the rest of my pregnancy knowing Zoey would have these problems.

I didn't know anything about how the heart worked before. It took forever when the Dr explained to us what her problem was just because it sounded to us like he was speaking a foreign language. Now I can understand the cardiologist perfectly! I remember throughout my pregnancy feeling peace, but I also remember worrying about the unknown a lot! I gained about 60 pounds during my pregnancy just because I couldn't stop worrying and then I would eat comfort foods! I remember on my break at work I would go to Harmon's and buy a package of Chips Ahoy. I did this everyday, and by the time I would leave to come home my cookies were gone. Of coarse, I can laugh about this now, but I really struggled then. I ran into an old co-worker at the store this week. She sat next to me during this phase of my life, and then quit shortly after I had Zoey. She asked how things went with Zoey. As I talked to her, I realized that I am a completely different person today than I was then. She told me that I had told her that my pregnancy wasn't exciting. I regret this. I let myself be too engulfed with worry about what may happen that I didn't ever enjoy the present. "Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy," ~Leo Buscaglia. If I could re-live my pregnancy I would try to focus more on my actual troubles than on my made up troubles of "what if."

I have learned so much about faith, prayer, and about trusting in God over this past year. God has a plan for each of us. I remember being pregnant and people would tell me that there is such things as miracles. I would think, "Yes, but that isn't going to happen this time. I know it is God's plan for her to have these problems." I still know that it is God's plan for Zoey to have these heart problems, but I also know that there is such things as miracles and God's plan can also include miracles! I am trying to live my life now with more faith and less worry. Zoey has done amazing! I had no reason to worry so much!

I write this post as a reminder to me because I know within the next few months as surgery gets closer, I will be worrying again. I had great peace once Zoey was here and I stopped worrying about the unknown. There will always be something unknown in our lives; something we can worry our self sick over and loose sleep over. The trick is praying and having faith in God's plan for us.

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27.)